1. Be humble but humorous. When the famously unassuming Lincoln was called two-faced during a debate, he said: “Two faced? If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?”
2. Ask for help or advice. The other day, I read a Harvard Business Review(HBR) article online and was asked to complete a survey. Now, I’m a working mom, so I try to make every minute of my screen time count. I ignore surveys. But HBR must have been talking to Adam Grant. “We value your feedback!” they said. “Would you help us make our website better?” There was something in the humility of the request that made it hard to say no.
3. Pair your openness with competence. A revealing experiment led by psychologist Elliot Aronson tracked audience reactions to participants in a game show. When the high-performing contestants spilled coffee on themselves, the audience liked them more. They were competent, yet also relatable: human and imperfect. But when the mediocre performers did the same thing, people liked them less. The takeaway: if you’re doing your job well, people want you to be human. It’s when you’re underperforming that powerless communication backfires.
4. When you communicate with someone, ask yourself three questions:What do you have to learn from them? How can you help them or otherwise express warmth? And can you find ways of letting your true personality show?
5. Frame your opinions as suggestions. “I wonder if it would work to do it this way.” Give people the space to disagree with you.
6. Be authentic. Whatever you feel inside has a way of expressing itself. If you feel kind and open, people will know it. They’ll also sense the reverse. You can’t just slap Grant’s approaches on to an otherwise arrogant self-presentation.
7. Introverts and women, rejoice! This research is great news for two groups in particular: women and introverts, both of whom tend naturally to use powerless communication styles and worry that this is a bad thing in a take-charge world. Based on the evidence, you can stop worrying.
What do you think, readers? Do you believe in the power of powerless communication?
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